As a new probationer teacher, there are two ways of looking at life: 1. Drowning or 2. Frantically paddling water in the hope that you can stay afloat.
This is something that I have learned over the first two weeks of my probation year as an English teacher in Scotland. Having studied at university and finally achieving a combined honours degree in English with Secondary Education, I was ablaze with excitement at the prospect of starting in my new school for a whole year.
The first day in school was a nice way to ease myself in to the 6am starts, the drive to work and the ever present exhaustion that comes hand in hand with being a teacher (especially in the first few years!). It was a staff in-service day meaning no pupils and an excellent chance to meet all of my new colleagues. Whilst valuable, and I was entirely grateful to have my teaching week shortened by a day, I found the day gradually becoming more and more tedious as it wore on. Unavoidable admin, meetings, updates on school targets etc. are perhaps interesting to a select few but alas, I am not one of those few. I left after my first day feeling enthused, tired and absolutely terrified at the same time. The other members of the English department were extremely supportive and welcoming straight away which did make everything easier!
So down to the nitty gritty and the interesting stuff - my first day as a real teacher. Littered with assemblies, emotions and new names to learn, it did fly in and to be honest it was more a matter of surviving and getting through that first day. I met my wonderful S1 class (11-12 year olds) who were probably even more terrified than me seeing as they were used to the mollycoddling, one class, one teacher system of primary school. Straight away I felt like I bonded with that class, I grasped their trust from the off and they seemed to be very eager to make the most of being in English. Next came my S3 class (13-14 year olds) who are top set and very high ability. Admittedly, they were unsure of me initially and probably still are a little bit but they are a lovely class filled with big personalities and whilst not always eager, they are easily motivated and love to be pushed. My S5 class are the most challenging and that first day was absolutely TERRIFYING when I walked into the S5 class. It was the one I had most dreaded but gradually, it is becoming the most rewarding whilst still being extremely challenging.
An incident with a member of my S5 class during week one which resulted in an exclusion and my first nervous break down of the term. I went home in floods of tears, filled with negativity, and to be honest doubting not only my ability as a teacher but also whether teaching was actually the career for me. I was devastated but soon realised that I could not and, more importantly, WOULD NOT allow one pupil to make me feel like that.
Week two was a little easier and ended on a much happier note than week one. I introduced a reading/book project to my S1 class allowing them 5 minutes reading at the start of each lesson with 6 set tasks based on their books that are due in within the next six weeks. I allowed them to do the first two tasks in class and the results were fantastic which warranted a display being put up at the S1 parents information evening. My S1 class are fantastic, whilst they are a mixed ability class at the moment, it is fun and challenging to create differentiated lessons for each day. This is the class that brightens up my day no matter what time I see them in the day as they always start up a little bit of a sing song as they leave the room (ranges from 'Twinkle Twinkle' to the charts and songs from the movie 'Frozen' - their choice!)
My S3 class and I were slowly building the trust that is required to allow a classroom to work. I decided that the book that would challenge and interest them most to start off would be 'Witch Child' by Celia Rees. Whilst they were initially reluctant to admit that they actually are enjoying it, they now come in everyday asking 'Miss, can we read the book today?'. Often I haven't the heart to quash their enthusiasm and tell them up front that we will be looking at the writer's techniques and imagery and not actually reading further into the book. Instead I placate them with the likes of: 'We'll need to see how quickly you manage the first half of the lesson' or 'It depends if we get the rest of the to do list finished today'. This is probably the most difficult part of teaching that class because I too would much rather be reading on in the book than studying the literary techniques.
Over the past two weeks, I have experienced a wider range of emotions
than I could ever have imagined. I have felt happy, proud, sad,
terrified, disappointed and worthless all in the space of an hour. The
daily emotional roller coaster is exhausting at times and it definitely
does not help the stress levels. The first two weeks have been a matter
of building mutual respect with my classes, ensuring pupils feel
welcomed and safe in my environment and setting down some basic rules so
that the pupils know exactly where they stand. This has involved
questioning myself and my abilities every single minute of the day. The
self-doubt and the negativity all stems from my absolute determination
and dream to give every pupil who walks through the door into one of my
classes the best chance to succeed in English and in life.
Weekends are extremely important and I have so far avoided bringing work home over the weekend by being super organised with my free time throughout the working week. This is my target for the foreseeable future however, I know that this will not always be possible.
Wishes of the week: Be less tired! Avoid sarcasm when unnecessary.
Highlights of the week: S1 - creating beautiful bookmarks and book covers, S3 - Engaging my class in a book that they are enjoying, S5 - two particular pupils who have broken down their barriers with pieces of personal writing handed in EARLY and showing some amazing potential.
More next week,
Miss.
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